We got Chloe, my dog, when I was in 6th grade. Instantly, I loved her. She seemed to love us too. But shortly after her arrival, we became aware of her condition: Doggie Depression. Having this condition, Chloe has attemped suicide several times in her short puppy life.
Attempt #1: I came home from school to find that Chloe had chewed open and eaten an entire bottle of perscription strength ibuprofen. Naturally, we immediately rushed her to the doggie hospital. As we pulled into the parking lot, a team of doggie nurses rushed over to start trying to save our puppy's life. Thankfully, after getting her stomach pumped and spending 3 days in the hospital, Chloe was deemed almost as good as new.
Attempt #2: One weekend, my mom and I were building a metal shed in the backyard. During our lunch break, Chloe took the opportunity to run across all the metal pieces of the still unassembled shed, instantly slicing all the pads on her paws. Again, she had to be rushed to the doggie hospital where they stitched her up and kept her overnight for observation.
Attempt #3: About a block from our house is a canal. One day while we were on vacation, Chloe escaped from the house and ran straight for it. She took a flying leap off the bank and right into the water, during a storm. With the water churning and the wind blowing, no one heard her babysitter's cries for help. Eventually, the fire department came and saved her from a watery grave. Again, she came home with her little puppy paws bloody and bandaged.
Today was attempt #4. I came down the stairs to find Chloe laying amongst dozens of chocolate wrappers. Immediately, I was sick with worry. Not only is chocolate poison to dogs, I have one of the only dogs on the planet that has diabetes. So I rushed her to the doggie hospital so the vet could work to save her life, again. He pumped her stomach and kept her for the afternoon to regulate her blood sugar. Now she is home again, enoying a bone as if nothing ever happened.